How to Talk to Your Spouse Who Says You Work Too Much

Strong marriages and relationships require attention from both partners. This balance of attention to spouse versus earning a living or furthering your career can be difficult to find. And, once you have found a balance that works in your relationship, things change and you have to find the balance again.

Why do some people overwork? The Overworking Spouse may be under considerable stress on the job, or may have a boss that demands long hours. Or maybe there are layoffs coming up and the less productive workers are the first to go. Maybe one partner has to work long hours just to support the family. On the other hand, the overworking spouse may be strongly identifying with career advancement to the exclusion of the marriage. Of course, we should be involved in work that is worthwhile, fulfilling and financially rewarding but over focus can put the marriage at risk.

What can happen when you put your work/career first? Your spouse may be feeling emotionally disconnected from you and lonely. There may be a buildup of resentment which can lead to anger and finally bitterness-towards you. This situation often leads to unhappiness and discord for the entire family.

As a psychologist who has worked for 20 years counseling couples in my therapy practice in North St. Paul, MN, I met with Amy and Josh with just this complaint. Amy was complaining that she was overburdened because Josh worked too much and left her with the responsibilities of home, children, and her own 40-hour job. He knew she was right but he felt defensive when she tried to tell him how to manage his work schedule. He’d started complaining that when wasn’t very affectionate lately and always blamed her disinterest in their physical intimacy on fatigue. He asked to meet with me individually after Amy had had a session to talk about her “side”of the problem. He was appreciative that she was not as naggy as she had been in the past, but he still felt blamed and criticized.

When Josh and I met, we talked of the reasons that he was spending so much time at work. The usual reasons people overwork is that they are feeling under considerable stress on the job, or may have a boss that demands long hours. Or maybe there are layoffs coming up and the less productive works are the first to go. Maybe one partner has to work long hours just to support the family. On the hand, the overworking spouse may be strongly identifying with career advancement to the exclusion of the marriage.

Drs. John and Julie Gottman, in their book 10 Lessons to Transform Your Marriage, suggest the following questions:

1.What does your work mean to you?

2.What pleasure or satisfaction does work bring to you?

3.What need does working fulfill in your life?

4.Does your work related to some personal legacy you would like to contribute to the world?

In a discussion with Josh, he pointed out that he was trying to make headway in his career now, while he was still young and had the energy. He knew his wife was doing a good job parenting their two small children (3 years and 9 months) so he wanted to focus on earning good money for his family. At first, he couldn’t understand why Amy was complaining so much because he was doing all this work for her and their children. He felt it was his responsibility. He wanted to provide his children with a fund for their education.

I suggested he consider the questions listed above. He said that his work is very satisfying in that he felt very confident and capable at work. He also wanted to meet his father’s expectations who had had a successful career. His older two brothers had moved from job to job and he knew his father was disappointed that they had difficulty supporting their families.

It was important for Josh to understand the underlying reasons for his excessive hours at work. He did not have a demanding boss and he was in no threat of a layoff. He just wanted to do the right thing. He had not thought of himself as having value over and above that of a worker and wage earner. He resigned himself to have a discussion with Amy. He said he would try to listen carefully about what Amy was longing for when she complained to him. I suggested he try to imagine the experiences she wanted to have with him and not to focus on her criticisms.

When Amy and Josh came for the next couple’s session, they wanted to further discuss the overworking situation. (They no longer saw the problem as residing inside one of them but as a problem the two of them need to figure out.) Any was able to explain to him what she missed when he work so much. He came to get a sense that his contribution to their family was not solely a financial responsibility. He heard her tell him he was also loved, appreciated, and needed as a friend, confidant and co-parent. She especially enjoyed his easy humor with their children and felt he was the only one who would be able to provide that.

This was a difficult issue for this couple and it was not resolved quickly. They were able to discuss their needs and wants in a different way when they addressed the questions about the underlying reasons for their positions.

Instant High Paying Jobs For Teens

So you have a teen on the hunt for a half decent job but what are their options these days. Everyone is telling them to baby sit or get a paper delivery job but both are time consuming and pay third world country rates when it comes to money in their pocket. It is even harder trying to land a job position that has been advertised somewhere as employers receive hundreds and hundreds of applications when advertising in the current job market.

A recent study shown that it is now taking the average person 4 – 7 months to find new employment and they expect that period of time to lengthen substantively over the next few years.

So what can I do you say, well thanks to modern technology all this is about to change. The days of searching endlessly for employment are fast coming to an end as the internet slowly takes over and starts filling this increasing need in the teen job market. When it comes to jobs for teens it is now possible for them to land their dream job in under ten minutes no matter who they are. When they take a job online there are no lengthy, intimidating interviews to go through and their application is always accepted no matter where you live or what qualifications they may or may not have. When you compare this to the difficulty of applying for and getting a normal advertised job it is no wonder that thousands of teens are switching to paid online jobs.

Paid online work beats traditional jobs hands down every time. Online jobs these days mostly consist of completing online survey's as these are generally higher paying when it comes to the types of work you can do online and they make fantastic jobs for teens. Most of these places are free to join and once they have signed up they can then start taking surveys and get very well paid for it. Most teens that are doing these surveys are at least $ 10 for a twelve minute survey with the money getting transferred to their account on completion.

The surveys themselves are extremely easy to complete and there is an unlimited number of different types of surveys that can be taken. There are no set times that they have to work, teens can quickly and easily work at their own pace as often or as little as they like each week, it's up to them. By just taking 3 surveys per day, 5 days per week, a teen is capable of earning $ 150.00 per week. Just try finding a job anywhere else that pay's as well as this that will hire them instantly.

Which survey companies they end up joining makes a huge difference to how much money they make. Pick the wrong ones and they could end up working for $ 2 – $ 5 per hour and getting very frustrated. Out of all the "Free To Join" paid survey sites online today there are only a small list of survey companies that have the genuine higher paying surveys available on a daily basis. Joining all of these top 7 companies ensures that they have and endless supply of high paying surveys to take every day when they log in.

So the choice is up to them, with the state of the current job market are they going to keep blogging.

Professors – Ways to Be Wise When Traveling (Before and During)

Since I am writing this article about how to be wise when you travel (and I am on the road at a professional conference) the ideas are quite fresh in my mind. If you travel as part of your academic responsibility, then you will find these ideas helpful.

Let people know you are on the road so they will not expect you to get back to them as quickly. You can leave this information in a message on your outgoing voice mail and, if you are going to be out for an extended period of time, set up an email responder, as well. (Note: If you are going to be out for one or two days, then my suggestion is NOT to annoy people who email you with a return email that says that you will be out "until tomorrow afternoon" or the like.)

Answer voice mail as you travel so it's not all there when you get back in town. This means you must have a voice mail system that is easily retrievable. Make it a point to return voice mail within 24 hours of when you get the message, if at all possible.

Keep up with your email as you travel. Not doing so is even more onerous than taking the extra steps to be able to access it while you're on the road. There are several possibilities:

  • you can have all your email forwarded to a web-based email system;
  • you can set up your laptop to access all your email (and either leave the original message on the server or not);
  • or you may use what I use, GoToMyPC, which lets me access my home office computer from any other computer. That way, I'm answering my emails just as if I am in front of my main computer. It's convenient because all my deleted, saved, and sent messages are right there where they belong and all attachments I might need to send to someone are easily accessible.

Create a productive environment for yourself when you are traveling. Some ways to do so include:

  • If you are traveling by car, make sure you have all the items that will let you be comfortable and productive while on the road.
  • If you are traveling by plane, then make sure you have noise-cancelling headphones and the kind of work that can easily be retrieved while sitting in an airplane seat.
  • Once you arrive at your hotel, take a few minutes and get it set up. I will often move tables around to create a L-shaped workspace. I have also been known to take 100 watt light bulbs with me when I go to Las Vegas (or stay at a W Hotel) because the lamps are so dim that it's very difficult to see and get reading and work done. Learn what works best for you-and then create that environment as much as you can.

Join loyalty programs whenever possible and then maximize your use of those particular airlines and hotels. There are small (and sometimes large) amenities that go along with being a member of a program. If at all possible, aim for the elite status which really gives you worth perquisites (including leverage) when traveling.

You're a professor. You're smart. You need to travel to conferences, to conduct your research, to learn, to share your knowledge, and to expand your horizons. So now, be wise about traveling by putting one or more of the ideas in this article into practice and move closer to peaceful productivity as a way of life.

Since I am writing this article about how to be wise when you travel (and I am on the road at a professional conference) the ideas are quite fresh in my mind. If you travel as part of your academic responsibility, then you will find these ideas helpful.

Let people know you are on the road so they will not expect you to get back to them as quickly. You can leave this information in a message on your outgoing voice mail and, if you are going to be out for an extended period of time, set up an email responder, as well. (Note: If you are going to be out for one or two days, then my suggestion is NOT to annoy people who email you with a return email that says that you will be out "until tomorrow afternoon" or the like.)

Answer voice mail as you travel so it's not all there when you get back in town. This means you must have a voice mail system that is easily retrievable. Make it a point to return voice mail within 24 hours of when you get the message, if at all possible.

Keep up with your email as you travel. Not doing so is even more onerous than taking the extra steps to be able to access it while you're on the road. There are several possibilities:

  • you can have all your email forwarded to a web-based email system;
  • you can set up your laptop to access all your email (and either leave the original message on the server or not);
  • or you may use what I use, GoToMyPC, which lets me access my home office computer from any other computer. That way, I'm answering my emails just as if I am in front of my main computer. It's convenient because all my deleted, saved, and sent messages are right there where they belong and all attachments I might need to send to someone are easily accessible.

Create a productive environment for yourself when you are traveling. Some ways to do so include:

  • If you are traveling by car, make sure you have all the items that will let you be comfortable and productive while on the road.
  • If you are traveling by plane, then make sure you have noise-cancelling headphones and the kind of work that can easily be retrieved while sitting in an airplane seat.
  • Once you arrive at your hotel, take a few minutes and get it set up. I will often move tables around to create a L-shaped workspace. I have also been known to take 100 watt light bulbs with me when I go to Las Vegas (or stay at a W Hotel) because the lamps are so dim that it's very difficult to see and get reading and work done. Learn what works best for you-and then create that environment as much as you can.

Join loyalty programs whenever possible and then maximize your use of those particular airlines and hotels. There are small (and sometimes large) amenities that go along with being a member of a program. If at all possible, aim for the elite status which really gives you worth perquisites (including leverage) when traveling.

You're a professor. You're smart. You need to travel to conferences, to conduct your research, to learn, to share your knowledge, and to expand your horizons. So now, be wise about traveling by putting one or more of the ideas in this article into practice and move closer to peaceful productivity as a way of life.

The Best Ways for College Students to Earn Money Online

Going through college can be stressful, especially if money is tight. Between classes, homework, and studying, commuting to a job just seems like a ridiculously impossible prospect. Millions of people are now making money online, and the internet offers plenty of ways for college students to earn money online as well. Blogging, affiliate marketing, and freelancing are some of the best ways to earn an online income, and the best thing about them is that they do not cost a dime to get started.

Affiliate marketing is probably the easiest method for a college student, because it requires less face time at the computer than other methods, although blogging is closely intertwined with affiliate marketing promotion. With all the information available on the subject, you do not need to be an affiliate marketing expert to get started, although it may still take a little bit of time to earn a decent income from it.

To become an affiliate, you need to sign up on the website and then promote a product that they are selling. Usually this requires writing a blog post or an article for submission at an article directory that talks about the product and gets the interest of viewers piqued. You include a link back to the seller's website, and any purchases that originate from your links will result in you being paid. Affiliates can earn anywhere from 10% to 90% commission on sales generated through their affiliate links. There is some amount of work involved, because you must first research your product to be able to write a qualifying article or blog post about the subject.

Pre-selling is a very effective technique used in marketing and advertising. What you are doing is not selling a product. You are either getting people interested who have never heard of the product or stoking the flame in people who already have some level of interest. In a sense, you are simply educating the customer about the product. That's why it is important not to sound as if you are actually selling the product. Although your writing should be in favor of it, you should not be pushing it on your viewers.

Managing a blog is a simple way to get started in affiliate marketing because first of all it's the perfect outlet for your advertising advertising promotion, and also because if you set up a pay per click system like Google AdSense you will also draw relevant ads that people will want to click on. Every time an ad on your blog gets clicked, you get money. It's really as simple as that. Combining techniques is really the only sure way for anyone to make money online, and with a little trial and error you'll be able to get a good respect on what methods work and what methods are just hype.